Last week, I met up with some friends for lunch and got a lesson in relationship-building from a 3 year-old.
We’ve met fairly regularly for the past few years and one gal usually brings her son Paul. He’s adorable and she usually has toys to keep him busy while we chat.
I realized I had’nt seen Paul in a while when I arrived. He’d gotten so big! Being me, I struck up a conversation with him before I had completely said “hey” to the ladies. Over the next 2 hours, Paul told me about his birthday and I showed him pictures of my cats. He showed me his activity book and I helped him match shapes and colors. By the end of lunchtime, he had crawled up in my lap and was asking if I wanted to come to his house to play. 
It was so easy to connect with him and it hit me that being with donors should be that easy too. As I thought about what made it so simple to be with Paul, I came up with these ABCs of relationship-building conversations:
A. Ask questions. Attempt to learn all you can about the other person and what they like or don’t like. This is how you will get to know them better.
B. Be Interested in the other person. Be present and focused. Don’t let your mind wander and don’t be thinking about what you’re going to say next.
C. Care about the other person. Be genuinely interested in them and what’s happening in their world.
What would you add to this list? Hit the comment link and share your thoughts.
This is so true! And not just donors, but this applies to volunteers, as well. An email to touch base about their lives, jobs, families, etc is very fast and can be extremely valuable. Make the time to treat them like friends, not just bodies full of elbow-grease and time. Most volunteers don’t need “swag” (giveaway items, awards, etc) to feel important, they need your personal attention and interest in their goals and their lives.
So true! Thank you for reminding me, Sandy. Simple but so easy to get self-absorbed and forget about directing our attention away from our own navels. I’m reading “Trust Agents” right now and am really thinking about trust, authenticity, giving rather than just getting.
Thanks Kelly and Joanne for your comments.
Kelly, you’re so right that this applies to volunteers as well. Volunteers usually want to just be appreciated, not showered with ‘stuff’. Ask them about their lives and thank them sincerely.
Joanne, that book sounds interesting. I’ll have to check it out.
Sandy
D. Document all notes from the converstion regardless of how insignificant you think some of it is. No point doing all that talking and listening only to forget a few days later and then asking the same questions when you next meet!
Good one Calen!! I think you’re right. Every time I made a phone call of any kind to a donor, I always had a pen and paper handy, ready to jot down notes of things they said. You never know when a donor is going to tell you exactly why they love your organization and you better be ready to capture it!
Sandy
Great article . Will definitely copy it to my website.
D. Document all notes from the converstion regardless of how insignificant you think some of it is. No point doing all that talking and listening only to forget a few days later and then asking the same questions when you next meet!
So true! Thank you for reminding me, Sandy. Simple but so easy to get self-absorbed and forget about directing our attention away from our own navels. I’m reading “Trust Agents” right now and am really thinking about trust, authenticity, giving rather than just getting.